What I Love Most.

What is the one thing that you love more than anything in the world? Your friends, your family? Or maybe it's something you do: painting, singing? For me it's flags. The one thing I love the most is flags.

It's been six months since the last time I performed. It was a parade through Magic Kingdom, and I'd be lying if I said that I don't wish to go back everyday.

Like I've said in posts before flags was my life for four years. I gave my all to every team I was a part of. I gave them time, and effort. I gave them my blood, sweat, and tears (literally). Most of all I gave flags my heart.

On Friday the current varsity team at Palatine floored this years competition routine for the first time. When I saw the video I felt intense moods of pride, happiness, nostalgia, and even a little bit of sadness. As I watched it I watched a girl who was convinced the coaches made a mistake when she made varsity her freshman year nail a dance solo that set the pace for a fabulous routine. I saw a girl who when she was on my team for the first time could barely throw a flag above her head do solo work in the middle of the floor. I watched a routine that for the first time in four years I was not a part of and I was reminded why I miss it so much.

I miss the way my hands would shake as we set up but as soon as the music started the tremble went away. I miss how I wouldn't be able to talk after a performance because it felt like my heart was beating in my throat. I miss giving a pep talk before each routine, and always being interrupted by someone. I miss waking up early and blasting my music so I could stay awake. I miss everything about flags.

My career (if you can even call it that) was better than I ever could've hoped.  I made a total of three trips to state and each time we came home with a trophy. I had coaches that changed my life. I was given the little sister I never had, but always wanted. We went undefeated my senior year, ending with a state title. Then, just three short months after winning state, I got to perform at The Happiest Place on Earth with 10 of the most beautiful, talented girls I could've ever been blessed with leading.

Even though I had hoped to continue flags during college things just didn't work out that way. One day I will return to the world of competitive flags, whether it be as a coach or a dedicated parent. Whenever that day comes I'll be ready to give my heart all over again.

Flags was the first thing that I was ever really passionate about. I doubt that passion will ever go away. It shaped me into the person I am today, the person who wants to change the world. I can only hope that I helped someone else find what they love most, whether it be flags or something else.

--Michelle

The Best Things.

I have a lot of down time. I probably could be doing more productive things with this newfound free time, and instead I spend it Facebook creeping, watching Netflix, and making lists.

Lists especially have come to be an important part of my day to day life. To-do lists, shopping lists, a list of people I should call, and some that I make just because.

Today I will be sharing my list of all time greatest things:

• Going to the bathroom after holding it for a long time
• Sneezing
• The smell of a new book
• Running up to and hugging someone you haven't seen in a long time
• Walking off the competition floor knowing you just nailed the routine
• Getting mail
• Making someone laugh or smile
• Taking off your bra before you get into bed
• Getting a text from someone you haven't talked to in a while
• When it's just cold enough to wear shorts with a long sleeve shirt or sweatshirt
• Actually having cash in your wallet
• Getting into bed after a long day
• Playing soccer in the rain
• Totally killing it while rapping/singing all the words to your favorite song
• Having someone tell you they love you out of the blue
• After not seeing someone for a while, picking up right where you left off feeling as if no time has passed

And most of all,

• Knowing that you could be having the worst day of your life but there will always be one thing that, if even for a second, will make your day a little bit better

Remember, friends, to appreciate the little things. Make your own list of all time greatest things and if you're having a bad day look back on it. There is always at least one thing to make you feel better.

-Michelle

Introvert.

I don't like spending a long time with a big group of people. Going up to someone and initiating a conversation has never been one of my strengths. Unless you ask me a question I probably won't say anything. I hate small talk. The best way for me to recharge is by just being alone. I'm an introvert, plain and simple.

If you know me really well or met me at camp you would probably disagree. My best friends know me as someone who always has a witty comment or something to say to make them laugh. When I'm with people i know really well I could probably talk forever, it just takes me a little bit to get to that point. Once I'm comfortable with someone then they'll see a more outgoing Michelle, until then I'm just kind of awkward and quiet.

Truth is, I'm proud of being an introvert. I love having a close knit circle of friends. The nights i spend at home by myself are what I look forward to during the week. I don't see it as a personality flaw. I love who I am.

The point to this post being: love who you are. There is no reason to ever wish you were someone else.

Have a good night, friends.

--Michelle (:

For the First Time in Forever.

On the outside I seem like I am not one of those girls who care much about how she looks. My daily outfit is usually yoga pants, leggings, sweatpants, or maybe even jeans, with a tshirt or hoodie. My hair is always in a ponytail or messy bun with a headband to match my hoodie. I don't add accessories. I don't wear makeup. I rotate between two pairs of Nike gym shoes, boots, moccasins, and four pairs of Toms. Sometimes I'll spice things up and wear my Kairos necklace, and in the summer my wrists become cluttered with friendship bracelets. I appear to be pretty simple when it comes to how I look.

Truth is I have always been self conscious about how my body looks in what I wear. I have stuck with jeans and tshirts for as long as i can remember because they don't hug too tight. Wearing shorts that aren't Nike shorts to school has always made me uncomfortable because when i sit down i don't like how my thighs seem to occupy the entire seat of the desk. I don't wear heels because I feel wobbly and out of control. My hair is never down because the waves make it puff out and i always wear a headband because I have curls around my face that stick straight out no matter how hard I try to make them do otherwise. Truth is I was never confident in my body.

I have never actually told anyone out loud that I am uncomfortable with how I look because I didn't want anyone to know I'm not the confident person I make myself out to be. I didn't want people to know I have a weakness.

About a week ago, though, all of this changed. I was getting out of the shower before getting ready to go to church and our Kairos closing ceremony. I had to be dressed up, which meant real bra, dress, shaved legs, make up, the whole shabang. I was not very excited. But i got out of the shower and as i was getting dressed i looked in the mirror and for the first time in forever I liked how I looked. I finished getting ready and ended up being pleased with the end result. I sat in church not feeling uncomfortable in my dress. I didn't have the urge to put my hair into a ponytail. When I looked in the mirror I thought I looked pretty.

Since then I have had a new sense of self confidence. I went jean shopping with my mom on Friday and didn't get discouraged when the first pair didn't button. I went out to dinner with my dad and decided to wear a scarf, I realized at dinner I didn't like wearing it, but I didn't feel out of my comfort zone.

For the first time in forever I am okay in my body. I know I'm not perfect and I'm okay with that.

-Michelle

Make you feel my love.

"Hey, Michelle! Who is your favorite singer?" Well, good friend, it's Adele. 

Ever since I heard Rolling in the Deep on the radio I fell in love with her. The passion in which she sings, the emotion she puts into the lyrics, everyone of her songs gives me chills. I relate to her songs, not because my heart has been broken, but for other reasons. 

Today, I came home from an 8 o'clock practice and went back into my room. I got into bed with the full intention of watching netflix until I was forced out of my room, and that plan has been going well, until one particular song showed up in an episode of Parenthood. I wasn't really paying attention to the episode, something on my phone proved to be more interesting, until I heard "Make You Feel My Love" start to play in the background.  You know those moments when you hear a song and its what you really needed to hear? That's exactly what just happened.

When the rain is blowing in your face,

And the whole world is on your case,

I could offer you a warm embrace,

To make you feel my love.

Lately, a lot of unexpected storms have been showing up in my life, as well as my friends' lives. Anything from as small as not doing well on exams, to losing their friends to what started as a simple misunderstanding. I have seen people crumble under the pressure of the expectations that have been cast upon them. When I see that happen my heart breaks. No one should have to go through something like that, not alone at least. I want to be there to help, to remedy the situation anyway I can. 

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,

And there is no one there to dry your tears,

I could hold you for a million years,

to make you feel my love.

Its at night when people feel the most lonely. The time when people really start to think. Some say that you start to become deep and emotional after 10. This is all too true. There have been nights when I lay in bed thinking about what I might have done to drive away the friends i have lost. That is the worst feeling, and anyone who feels that way deserves to know they are not alone. Seeing someone cry because they feel alone and like there is no one there for them I want to wipe away their tears and hug them until they feel better.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet,

But I could never do you wrong.

I've known it from the moment that we met,

No doubt in my mind where you belong.

College decisions are haunting a lot of us right now. Where should we go? Who are we going to room with? Should I rush? What about my friends at home? After graduation I am leaving this town behind. I want to go out and make new memories, but I'm also leaving a lot of people that I care about. Two of my best friends will still be in palatine next year while I am down south. They both like to remind me what I'll be missing when I'm gone. I'm not worried though, they mean too much for me to let them go. People come into your life and leave an impression, that no matter what will never go away.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,

I'd go crawling down the avenue.

No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do,

To make you feel my love.

I give 100% to what i do. I don't know a lot about "gray areas", its either yes or no, all in or all out. For the people I love I give 110%. I love with my whole heart, sometimes it gets me in trouble, but I believe that the people in my life are here for a reason so I should give them all I got. It physically hurts for me to see my friends in pain. I'll drop anything to listen to you rant, or to be a shoulder to cry on. If you're sad I will tell you a joke to see you smile again. If your sick I'll bring you ice cream even if it means going to the store 10 minutes before it closes. I always want to make people happy.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea

And on the highway of regret.

The winds of change are blowing wild and free,

You ain't seen nothing like me yet.

My goal, the whole reason for this blog, is to change the world. The world is a scary place, it's full of disasters, and sickness, and poverty. Everyday people are suffering with things that they shouldn't have to be. I want to help those people, I want them to see a better life. I don't know exactly how I am going to do it yet, I'm not even sure where to start, but I am going to make the world a better place."You ain't seen nothing like me yet." 

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.

Nothing that I wouldn't do.

Go to the ends of the Earth for you,

To make you feel my love.

Recently, I've struggled with believing in myself to make my dream come true. When I heard this song come on today I was reminded of all the great things in my life: my friends, my family, the opportunities I've had. I owe it to the world to give back. I want to make people happy, make them feel loved. Most of all, I want the people I have lost touch with the past few months to know that I still care about you, no matter what I will still want you to be happy. 

Thank you, Adele, for giving me what I needed to hear.

-Michelle

I'm glad that

Everyday for 5 weeks this summer I would sit at staff meeting and listen to what the staff is glad about. You could put anything in the jar. Nothing was off limits. Lately I've been glad that a lot of things are happening. 

I'm glad that I got my car back from the repair shop. 

I'm glad that even though it's bitterly cold people still have bright spirits about the season. 

I'm glad that I have had a pretty great year. 

I'm glad that we qualified for state at our first competition. 

I'm glad that Shannon Hickey. 

I'm glad that somewhere someone has my back. 

I'm glad that my dad asks me what I want for dinner every night and even if I say I don't know he makes something I like. 

I'm glad that I get to work with 3rd graders everyday. 

I'm glad that my mom does everything she can to make sure my sister and I are happy. 

I'm glad that m&m cookies. 

I'm glad that I get to leave next year and start a new chapter of my life. 

I'm glad that I'm not allergic to dogs. 

I'm glad that Camp Skyline. 

I'm glad that you have all taken an interest in this blog and have read this post all the way to the end. 

-Michelle 

A lot.

There's a lot going through my head today. I don't know why. There's just a lot going on in my head. Some of my thoughts aren't 100% complete, some of them are totally random, and some of them are just things I want to say to people but can't figure out how.

Here are a few:

I understand that people have good days, and that they have bad days. What I don't understand is why do people dwell on such negative things when there is so much good waiting for them? 

In my life I either give 100% or 0%, there is no in between. At school I either understand something or I don't. With flags I'm either happy with how it looks, or I'm not. People are either my best friends (that's why I keep my circle close), or I don't talk to them. I'm not very good at doing something half heartedly. 

Why does society frown upon guys being emotional and crying? I think a guy shows the most strength when he lets go and just cries. It shows that he feels something. The most attractive quality in a guy is them telling you how they feel. Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic, but I love to hear guys talk about the girl they love, pointing out everything they love about them, from their looks to their personality. Why do we make it so guys have to hide their feelings to keep their "man card"? That's dumb. 

College is scary. I'm not ready for it. 

Being in a relationship is not what life is about. And if you are in a relationship and you're happy, good for you, just don't forget the people that were there for you before you were in this relationship. No one likes a person who ditches their friends to make out with someone. 

Why does no one send letters anymore? 

Sometimes I just want to go up to everyone and hug them. If I know they are having a bad day I just want to let them know that it gets better. No one deserves to be sad, they don't deserve to have their heart broken, everyone deserves happiness. If you're having a bad day, or week, just remember that things get better. There are people who care about you, people who love you. If you ever think you are alone in something,  don't give up. Chances is someone, somewhere who knows what you feel like. Just keep your chin up.

-Michelle