On the outside I seem like I am not one of those girls who care much about how she looks. My daily outfit is usually yoga pants, leggings, sweatpants, or maybe even jeans, with a tshirt or hoodie. My hair is always in a ponytail or messy bun with a headband to match my hoodie. I don't add accessories. I don't wear makeup. I rotate between two pairs of Nike gym shoes, boots, moccasins, and four pairs of Toms. Sometimes I'll spice things up and wear my Kairos necklace, and in the summer my wrists become cluttered with friendship bracelets. I appear to be pretty simple when it comes to how I look.
Truth is I have always been self conscious about how my body looks in what I wear. I have stuck with jeans and tshirts for as long as i can remember because they don't hug too tight. Wearing shorts that aren't Nike shorts to school has always made me uncomfortable because when i sit down i don't like how my thighs seem to occupy the entire seat of the desk. I don't wear heels because I feel wobbly and out of control. My hair is never down because the waves make it puff out and i always wear a headband because I have curls around my face that stick straight out no matter how hard I try to make them do otherwise. Truth is I was never confident in my body.
I have never actually told anyone out loud that I am uncomfortable with how I look because I didn't want anyone to know I'm not the confident person I make myself out to be. I didn't want people to know I have a weakness.
About a week ago, though, all of this changed. I was getting out of the shower before getting ready to go to church and our Kairos closing ceremony. I had to be dressed up, which meant real bra, dress, shaved legs, make up, the whole shabang. I was not very excited. But i got out of the shower and as i was getting dressed i looked in the mirror and for the first time in forever I liked how I looked. I finished getting ready and ended up being pleased with the end result. I sat in church not feeling uncomfortable in my dress. I didn't have the urge to put my hair into a ponytail. When I looked in the mirror I thought I looked pretty.
Since then I have had a new sense of self confidence. I went jean shopping with my mom on Friday and didn't get discouraged when the first pair didn't button. I went out to dinner with my dad and decided to wear a scarf, I realized at dinner I didn't like wearing it, but I didn't feel out of my comfort zone.
For the first time in forever I am okay in my body. I know I'm not perfect and I'm okay with that.
-Michelle
